Thursday, August 25, 2011

Airport security is touchy in the non-emotional sense of the word.

It was upwards of 40 degrees today. Our office hit 30 degrees. I have reason to believe I sweat out my ability to think clearly, read and/or write. I've also spent an abnormal amount of time this week with the Danish so I might be writing and speaking Danglish - I am not sure...Good luck reading this post.

Since I last posted I've been to Cologne and Bonn! They are right next to one another so don't get too excited about all my travels. I went to Cologne for a Chad Vangaalan concert - it was wonderful (don't click that link if you don't like swear words).

This was my general experience with the plane ride there:

I forgot to take off my watch before walking through the security scanner thing. Knowing that the band, though wood on the outside, is entirely made of metal I gestured to Hungarian, super-security woman that I'd like to put it in my basket. "Basket too far through scanner" she glared at me.

So, of course, I set the stupid scanner off and get pulled to the side to get felt up in public.

The woman and the gloves, that have touched everyone, went everywhere to the point of feeling that we should have at least been formally introduced. Why she wasn't using the back of her hands is beyond me. I was wearing shorts and a tank top there were VERY few places to check for weapons and yet it took a VERY long time.

When she concluded that my I didn't manage to tape bombs to the bottoms of my feet and then shove them into a pair of sandals I was allowed to leave. I felt a little bit better that she had to touch my stinky, bare feet. After my cheap thrills I fell asleep (as most do) with my mouth open before take-off because I am all kinds of classy when I have to wake up at 5:30am.

Other disgusting things that happened on this journey:

  • The guy sitting in the window seat in the row behind me threw a plastic bag full of what appeared to be shit into the garbage tray. Tossed over an entire row of people a bag of shit. Entire row of people. A bag of shit. SHIT.
  • Someone opened and ate what smelled like fish food just in time for landing. 
In conclusion: The general public is a miserable group.

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