Back Where I Come From... and Other Towns that Shouldn't be on a Map of Canada

Below you will find a map my co-ordinator had found from 1963 (or 67), it doesn't matter. What matters is that it was a map of the entire country, minus the territories (they didn't count quite yet) and these are the towns that made the cut. These are literally like legendary places for me, I don't know how many times I heard:

- "You know the so and so boy from Belloy who married that Nampa girl who owns the hair shop in Spirit...",

-"Old man so and so from Codesa always used to say (insert Polish phrase not translated to the children)" or,

- "May 29, 1968, it was a Monday I believe, and me and so-and-so (you know who lived a mile past where Paluskis live now) were on the Watino bridge and we saw a wild boar".

- I can guarantee that stories like the above examples are being shared here. The young one on the end doesn't quite believe them. He is waiting for them to start telling dirty jokes, or trying to casually steal a bottle of vodka from the table. Judging from redness of the faces though, there isn't going to be much vodka in the bottle. Missing from the picture is the uncle that knows exact dates and times of all events, ever...

Ok, but back to my point. These places literally don't exist anymore. Well, they exist in the sense that there are still a couple of people there and maybe a hall. Sometimes there might be a fair or plowing competition. Oh and I have a couple family members that still hang out there, and raise kids there and grow grain and stuff... I just don't know if these 'towns' would make the map of Canada cut anymore...

These aren't the best pictures in the world, perhaps you can hit alt and then the plus button or press alt and then scroll the little wheel on your mouse and zoom in on them. Did you know your computer does that? Does your computer do that? My Mac can do it but it is an easier process - of course.

Or lean in closely, put your glasses in your mouth and move your face really close to the screen (because you are near sighted obviously).

-Maybe I have gone to far - they still make the "google map" cut but I just don't think they will ever get street view.

But more importantly, I have driven to Little Smokey a thousand times. Where the hell is Asplund? Why does Asplund make the cut and not Sweat House? Or New Fish Creek for that matter? Was this map made before Valleyview was founded? THIS IS CRAZY!

-The ficticious land of Asplund did not even make it on to Google maps... Because it isn't REAL.

Now it is Time for "REALLY?!" with Seth and Amy... (Thanks SNL)

Sometimes, when I am feeling a bit pretentious and a tad worldly, I will purchase myself an International Herald Tribune. 3 times out of 5 I will read just the headlines/first paragraph of each article, comics and attempt to do the crossword puzzle. Those other 2 times, I usually find myself on a train with little entertainment and I read the whole paper word for word, cover to cover, excluding the financial business pages (obviously). This last time, I was riding back home from Berlin, twelve hours on the train needing to do anything that passed the time and I literally read the entire paper. Book reviews, financial stocks, etc and well, Low and Behold! Who knew?! They have personal ads. Lucky me! I am single... I am a reader of international news... Fun times!

-I mean this in the funny way... not in the "I would honestly respond to a personal ad in the International Herald Tribune" way

But wait, not only do they have personal ads, they have what could be the most offensive personal ads I have ever seen:

This ol' fart wants a nice lady but first she has to send a pic and phone - returnable of course... Obviously he wasn't willing to spring a few extra bucks to make this ad remotely understandable. But I think it means the lucky lady has to be under 60. A nice, fit, 65 year old is not going to meet his standards. REALLY?! An age limit? REALLY? At 70?! Don't worry ladies - he's tall and there is coastal living and loyalty in it for you... REALLY!?

Ok so with that one I just kind of laughed. International newspaper readering, 'classy' rich, old men, looking for ladies capable of sending their photo and being younger than themselves... Well, that isn't too bad....

FANTASTIC! Czech Women, non-Feminists ranging anywhere from underage (in the Canada) to retired.

REALLY?! REALLY International Herald Tribune? Daily International version of the New York Times?! REALLY?! Don't people respect your ability to put out printed news everyday?! REALLY?!

So, of course, I checked out the website. My oh my, was that ever an experience. As per usual, here is a list of the highlights:

-"If you are unable to travel to Prague, you can still meet your dream czech bride by simply sending for her"

-How convenient for you...

-Younger Wives Help Men Live Longer: "The average age to get married has risen steadily since the 1960s. The study examined deaths between 1990 and 2005..."

-I didn't feel the need to read this study, nor should you...

- There is a whole section comparing Prague women to Russian women... The fact that Prague is a nicer city to visit makes the list...

-There is also a selection of testimonials:

- "I tried to save money by going to Prague myself without using an agency. After being there one week I could not meet anybody legitimate. I went to the Prague office of HAND-In-Hand, signed up for their service and within two days I found the love of my life who is now living with me in the US and we are to be married in the coming months."

-"We are the largest and most successful Marriage and Introduction Agency in Eastern Europe. No one else is even close. Due to our success, some of our Russian and Ukrainian competitors have resorted to using certain search engines and other sites to attack our company. Of course, they never give real names, telephone numbers, e-mail addresses or factual supporting information. Pretty sad actually."

-REALLY?! That is the part you of this scenario you find sad? REALLY?!

-"This program is designed for single men looking for a true life partner who is beautiful, significantly younger, educated, is unspoiled by feminism and whose culture is one of support & respect."

-I don't know which part makes me want to scream REALLY?! more, the"significantly younger" part or the "unspoiled by feminism" part....

Excuse me, I have to vomit now.

Berlin - Round Four.

Once again, long time - no post. Well it isn't really my fault really. You see, procrastinators should never start a blog. Also, people who don't like to keep a journal. I am perhaps the worst combination ever for starting this endevour... Oh well, that being said. Here we go:

A couple of weeks ago I was tootling around Europe for work. First, I went to the UK for the first time EVER (not including a short lay-over in Heathrow in June). So EXCITING! Rachael (my co-worker and tourist extrodinaire) and everyone I saw will tell you how very excited I was to be in London, even Birmingham. It was just like it is in the movies! I have an album up of some of the touristy things Rachael and I went to see.

Highlights include:

-Experiencing the 4th Dimension in the London Eye movie you have to watch before you go... Don't worry, it didn't take us back in time - but it most certainly threw bubbles, foam and water at us.

-Watching Avenue Q. Puppets should not do or say somethings...

-Fish and Chips

-Shopping

-Spending a week on a tiny farm playing Sardines. It was just like summer camp - but with wine and cider and no bed time.

After London, I headed over Berlin for a retreat. We had one free day in the city and I did some of my favorite things. Eat fries with mayo, shop for shoes and go into every single second hand shops I could find and not commit to buying a single thing.

-Though the London Eye video doesn't take you back in time... Stores in Berlin can.

Hello Retro shoes! If I wore these kind of shoes I would totally buy all of you. ALL OF YOU! Especially you, Asymmetrical, army green shoes. ESPECIALLY YOU!

-Watch out... I have found my wedding dress. Yes, it is hooded.

-So cute you little Berlin flower bed!

-A church everyone must see.

But, after my travels it was so good to return home to what was once this:

And it now this:

-Ah, Bliss.