Sometimes, when I am feeling a bit pretentious and a tad worldly, I will purchase myself an International Herald Tribune. 3 times out of 5 I will read just the headlines/first paragraph of each article, comics and attempt to do the crossword puzzle. Those other 2 times, I usually find myself on a train with little entertainment and I read the whole paper word for word, cover to cover, excluding the financial business pages (obviously). This last time, I was riding back home from Berlin, twelve hours on the train needing to do anything that passed the time and I literally read the entire paper. Book reviews, financial stocks, etc and well, Low and Behold! Who knew?! They have personal ads. Lucky me! I am single... I am a reader of international news... Fun times!
-I mean this in the funny way... not in the "I would honestly respond to a personal ad in the International Herald Tribune" way
But wait, not only do they have personal ads, they have what could be the most offensive personal ads I have ever seen:
This ol' fart wants a nice lady but first she has to send a pic and phone - returnable of course... Obviously he wasn't willing to spring a few extra bucks to make this ad remotely understandable. But I think it means the lucky lady has to be under 60. A nice, fit, 65 year old is not going to meet his standards. REALLY?! An age limit? REALLY? At 70?! Don't worry ladies - he's tall and there is coastal living and loyalty in it for you... REALLY!?
Ok so with that one I just kind of laughed. International newspaper readering, 'classy' rich, old men, looking for ladies capable of sending their photo and being younger than themselves... Well, that isn't too bad....
REALLY?! REALLY International Herald Tribune? Daily International version of the New York Times?! REALLY?! Don't people respect your ability to put out printed news everyday?! REALLY?!
So, of course, I checked out the website. My oh my, was that ever an experience. As per usual, here is a list of the highlights:
-"If you are unable to travel to Prague, you can still meet your dream czech bride by simply sending for her"
-How convenient for you...
-Younger Wives Help Men Live Longer: "The average age to get married has risen steadily since the 1960s. The study examined deaths between 1990 and 2005..."
-I didn't feel the need to read this study, nor should you...
- There is a whole section comparing Prague women to Russian women... The fact that Prague is a nicer city to visit makes the list...
-There is also a selection of testimonials:
- "I tried to save money by going to Prague myself without using an agency. After being there one week I could not meet anybody legitimate. I went to the Prague office of HAND-In-Hand, signed up for their service and within two days I found the love of my life who is now living with me in the US and we are to be married in the coming months."
-"We are the largest and most successful Marriage and Introduction Agency in Eastern Europe. No one else is even close. Due to our success, some of our Russian and Ukrainian competitors have resorted to using certain search engines and other sites to attack our company. Of course, they never give real names, telephone numbers, e-mail addresses or factual supporting information. Pretty sad actually."
-REALLY?! That is the part you of this scenario you find sad? REALLY?!
-"This program is designed for single men looking for a true life partner who is beautiful, significantly younger, educated, is unspoiled by feminism and whose culture is one of support & respect."
-I don't know which part makes me want to scream REALLY?! more, the"significantly younger" part or the "unspoiled by feminism" part....
Excuse me, I have to vomit now.