Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Different is my Middle Name

I am an incredibly loud, and awkward person. Which is why you can always hear me embarrassing myself from across the room. I find myself in awkward situations at least three to four times a week. I step on cracks on the sidewalk an equal number of times during one walk. Similarly, I step on the top and bottom step of a flight of stairs equally throughout my day. If I could only eat two foods for the rest of my life they would be peanut butter and cheese, though not together or on their own but with apples. Ketchup and apple juice remind me of childhood and cure hangovers - though not mixed together. I have old lady hips and my giant hands make average cups look like shot glasses. I have an obsession with Saturday Night Live and all its affiliated programming. I like changing sentence meanings by removing commas. Puns are HILARIOUS. I try to be really, really good at responding to emails, messages and returning phone calls because my feelings are hurt when other people don't do that. I think the best part about winter is sitting outside in the freezing cold and gossiping on the top of a ski hill. I love napping but feel absolutely terrible upon waking up. Pajamas are the only clothes I wear in my apartment. I am a music snob by definition and I don't want to listen to what ever you have playing. I hate quiet - and hence love podcasts. I think the most disgusting thing in the world is hair once removed from someone's body. I also hate when people's hair is under the arm of their glasses and am constantly making sure mine isn't like that. I often think of something funny that happened weeks ago and laugh out loud by mistake, in public. I am constantly wondering things like "who decided that we didn't have to type www. anymore in URLs?" and "why did they make World 8 on Super Mario 3 SO MUCH HARDER than all the other worlds?" This narcissistic list could go on for pages.

.... and so, internet, you are telling me that this makes me beautiful? I am tired of these questions.

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